Free Mental Load Inventory
The Mental Load Inventory: A Quiz for Couples
A worksheet for partners to see who's carrying what, and share it more fairly.
Private by design. Your answers stay on this device. Nothing you select is saved or sent, and it all clears when you leave the page.
What is the mental load?
It's the invisible job of keeping a family running: remembering, planning and noticing everything everyone needs. It's easy to miss because so much of it happens in someone's head. When one person carries most of it, burnout and resentment usually aren't far behind. Every task really has three parts:
Notices
Realizes it needs to happen. “The baby is almost out of size 3 diapers.”
Plans
Figures out the how and when. “I'll order size 4 tonight so they come Friday.”
Does
Actually gets it done. Places the order, puts them in the drawer.
What the research says
Sociologist Allison Daminger calls this cognitive labor: anticipating needs, identifying options, deciding and monitoring progress. In her study of 35 couples, decisions were shared about equally, but women did more of the anticipating and the follow-up. In a separate survey of 393 married or partnered U.S. mothers, 88% said they were mostly the one organizing the family's schedules.
Daminger, A. (2019). The cognitive dimension of household labor. American Sociological Review, 84(4), 609–633. Ciciolla, L., & Luthar, S. S. (2019). Invisible household labor and ramifications for adjustment: Mothers as captains of households. Sex Roles, 81(7–8), 467–486.
How to use it
- Each partner takes it on their own phone, without peeking.
- For every task, tap M (me), P (partner) or B (both) for who usually notices, plans and does it.
- Sit down together and compare your results.
- Choose 3 tasks to hand off completely, from noticing all the way to doing.
Go in curious, not keeping score
The goal isn't to prove who does more. It's to make the invisible visible so you can be a team.
Single parent?
Use “P” for your support people: a co-parent, family, friends or paid help. It's still eye-opening.
Carrying most of it already? Our online Tired Mom's Club covers the mental load, including how to talk with your partner about it, and our therapists help with the anxiety and overwhelm that can come with it.
Who carries what?
M MeP PartnerB Both of us
Kids, day to day
Packing lunches, snacks and the diaper bag
Clothes that fit (and swapping them out each season)
Bath and bedtime routine
Daycare or school forms, emails and sign-ups
Homework, reading and practice
Picture day, spirit days and special events
Childcare, babysitters and backup plans
Health
Scheduling doctor, dentist and well checks
Medications, refills and vitamins
Who stays home on sick days
Noticing when someone seems off or unwell
Home
Noticing what we're out of
Meal planning
Grocery shopping
Cooking dinner
Dishes and kitchen cleanup
Laundry (washing, folding, putting away)
Cleaning bathrooms and floors
Household supplies (diapers, toilet paper, batteries)
Repairs, maintenance and calling the plumber
Trash, recycling and yard work
Money & paperwork
Paying bills
Budget and tracking spending
Insurance, taxes and important documents
Car maintenance and registration
Family & social life
Birthday gifts, cards and party RSVPs
Holiday plans, travel and traditions
Keeping in touch with grandparents and family
Kids' playdates and friendships
Planning date nights or time together
The invisible stuff
Noticing when a child is struggling emotionally
Keeping track of everyone's schedules
Remembering important dates
Researching the “right” car seat, school, or sleep advice
Worrying about it all at 2am
0 of 35 answered
Thank you for taking stock
Making the invisible visible takes honesty. Here's what your answers show.
You're carrying most of the noticing
In your answers, more than half of these tasks only get noticed because you notice them. That invisible work is real work, even when no one sees it. Comparing notes with your partner is a good first step.
Your partner notices a lot of what your family needs
Your answers suggest your partner carries more than half of the noticing. Comparing notes can help you both see the whole picture.
The noticing looks fairly shared
Your answers suggest neither of you is carrying most of the noticing alone. Comparing notes can still turn up tasks one of you holds more than the other realizes.
My side of our mental load
0 of 35
tasks that only I notice
Me Both Partner
The Mental Load Inventory · lotusrosecounseling.com
Screenshot this card and compare it with your partner's. Your answers aren't saved.
See the full tally
| Column | M | P | B |
|---|---|---|---|
| Notices | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Plans | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Does | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Noticing and planning happen in someone's head, which is why they're so easy to miss.
Talk it through
What surprised you most?
Start here, with curiosity.
Where did your answers not match?
That's where the invisible work lives.
Which tasks feel the heaviest?
Even if they're small.
Our 3 hand-offs
Pick tasks to move to the other person completely: noticing, planning and doing. Then let them do it their way.
You don't have to carry it all
Here if you ever want to talk
Our therapists help moms untangle overwhelm, let go of guilt and find the words to ask for what they need, in person in Orem and by telehealth.
However the load is split, this season of life can be a lot. Our therapists are here, in person in Orem and by telehealth.
A free 15-minute call is a no-pressure conversation: we listen, answer your questions and help you figure out the right next step.
Carrying most of it? Our online Tired Mom's Club is a 6-week support group for burned-out, overwhelmed moms, and it covers the mental load.
Common Questions
Mental Load Inventory FAQs
What is the mental load?
It's the invisible job of keeping a family running: remembering, planning and noticing everything everyone needs. It's easy to miss because so much of it happens in someone's head. When one person carries most of it, burnout and resentment usually aren't far behind.
How do we take the Mental Load Inventory as a couple?
Each partner takes it on their own device, without peeking. For every task, mark who usually notices, plans and does it: M (me), P (partner) or B (both). Then sit down together, compare your results, and choose 3 tasks to hand off completely, from noticing all the way to doing.
I'm a single parent. Does this still work?
Yes. Use “Partner” for your support people: a co-parent, family, friends or paid help. It's still eye-opening.
Are our answers saved?
No. Everything is tallied on your own device. Nothing you select is saved, sent or seen by anyone at Lotus Rose, and it clears when you leave the page, so take a screenshot of your results before you go.
Free 15-Minute Consultation
Feeling stretched thin? You don't have to carry it all.
Lotus Rose Counseling helps moms untangle overwhelm, let go of guilt and find the words to ask for what they need, in person and by telehealth. Reach out when you're ready.